Today we are sharing the final episode with Kathy McAtee Young and her story of finding safety after decades in an abusive marriage. In this episode Kathy shares some of the barriers that prevent spouses in abusive marriages from seeking safety and help, ways to begin moving out of the abusive relationship, and the ways healing begins afterward.
Don’t miss the conclusion to Kathy’s story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Reasons that abused spouse don’t trust their own judgment
Steps to get out of an abusive marriage
Is it ever appropriate to intervene if you believe someone is being abused?
What the process of healing looks like after you get safe
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
“One of the hallmarks of an unsafe relationship is confusion.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“God sees you. He cares. And he is faithful.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“We don’t want your pity. Compassion, yes. There is a difference.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“Healing is a lifestyle, not a finish line.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“When you can name it, then you can process it.” - Kathy McAtee Young
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/
Visit Kathy’s website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers
Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram
This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse
Today in Part 2 of Kathy’s story, Kathy shares the ways she sought support from the church when she realized her marriage was in trouble, the responses she received, and the effects that had on her marriage. In this episode Kathy shares why it’s not possible for the abused spouse to end the abuse, and the difference between biblical versus unbiblical advice about abuse.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Interventions the church put in place, and why they were not successful
The wake up moment that turned things around for Kathy
What is an appropriate response to spousal abuse?
The red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
Red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical
They won’t call out that abuse is abuse
They will not call the abuse sin
The safety of the abused spouse is not top priority
There is no call for repentance
They advise you to stay, regardless
Blaming the abused for the abuse
QUOTES
“There is one person responsible for abuse: It is the abuser.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“The Bible definitely commands forgiveness. It does not command reconciliation.” - Kathy McAtee Young
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/
Visit Kathy’s website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers
Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram
This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse
When does an unhealthy marriage become an abusive marriage? Where can you go when you need to get out? In today’s episode we hear part 1 of Kathy’s real marriage story. Kathy shares how she came to believe that divorce was the most God-honoring option in her situation, and how she found safety after 30+ years in an emotionally abusive marriage.
We are so grateful to Kathy for generously sharing her story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Dispelling myths about who falls into abuse
Why marriage counseling does not work in abusive marriages
How Kathy learned her marriage was abusive
Why she stayed as long as she did, and why she later divorced
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
This previous episode defines a clear Biblical perspective on abuse:
QUOTES
“I want to debunk the myth that abused women are poorly educated, lower income, women who can easily be taken advantage of. That’s just not accurate.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“Within the first year, I knew we had trouble…” - Kathy McAtee Young
“Marriage counseling does not work if there’s abuse involved. I know that now.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“Most people who are narcissists are really good at it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“You have this idea that, ‘If she could fix all these things, then I wouldn’t be this way.’ That’s the blame shifting.” - Kathy McAtee Young
“The heart of abuse is power and control. Everything else is tactics.” - Kathy McAtee Young
Do you fight fair, or do you wish there was a referee to call a stop to the foul play when you argue with your spouse? Ground rules are an important step toward having healthy marriage conflict, so today Dr. Kim will spell out how to make sure you’re fighting fair in your marriage. We want to empower you to fight fair, and resolve issues in a kind and loving way.
If you need help to fight fair and truly resolve issues without making things worse, you will love today’s conversation.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
The DOs and DON’Ts of fighting fair
The side effects of unhealthy conflict
A healthy way to “let it all out”
Can honesty go too far? How do you know?
Tips to the reconnection process - how to make up well
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
“We both learned we needed to reconnect and apologize, but sometimes we werent’ ready to take that step at the same time. We had to learn that somebody needs to take the step. It doesn’t really matter who started the fight or who was wrong.”
“Taking responsibility is huge. Owning your part in it, even if you think you only did 10%, you still did 10%.”
“What are you sorry for? Be very specific in what you did and why you're taking responsibility.”
“I say it a lot: One of the best gifts you can give your marriage is to learn how to resolve conflict.”
Forgiveness and apologies need to have no strings attached. It’s just that I choose to do this.
We’re not just trying to clear a slate so our spouse stops bugging us. Have you repented before the Lord? That’s where this starts.
We are accountable to Him before being accountable to our spouse. Did I just treat my spouse in the way He would have me treat them? If not, I need to take that up with Him
QUESTIONS FOR YOU
When you really think about it, how did it affect your spouse when you had this conflict?
Repentance. Learning from the mistakes made and committing to work on them together.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar
Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.
If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.
TODAY is the last day for our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle! Don’t miss the chance to get 7 of our most-loved resources for 1 donation of ANY amount in support of the ministry of Awesome Marriage! Get all the details here!
Sick of the same old fights over and over with your spouse? Learn to de-escalate marriage fights and resolve issues in a healthy and helpful way. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it is what matters most. Learning to deal with it well will benefit your marriage in so many ways! Tune in today to learn how.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Common conflict pitfalls to avoid
The problem with “winning” marriage fights
Tips to help you break the fighting cycle
What to do if one spouse is not ready to reconnect
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Are you stuck in a conflict cycle? If so, work together to identify what’s triggering it.
Choose 1 tip from Dr. Kim’s list below that you will both agree to use this week.
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
“When we try our best to avoid conflict, we’re not really equipping ourselves with the skills to handle it well.” - Lindsay Few
“Awareness gives you some insight that can really be useful.” Dr. Kim Kimberling
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar
Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.
If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.
It’s here! Our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle is LIVE! That means you can get 7 of our most-loved marriage building resources by making 1 donation of ANY amount to support the ministry of Awesome Marriage! The bundle is available for a limited time only. Get all the details here!