We are doing a series on the Top 8 Marriage Issues in 2019. These 8 issues are the top 8 issues that Dr. Kim has seen this year with marriages. We will be breaking them down starting with #8 and working our way towards the #1 marriage issue.
In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina talk about the 5th biggest issue in marriages this year which is: traumatic situations.
Because we live in a broken and fallen world, so many couples end up facing traumatic situations. Death of a child, abuse, suicide of someone close to you, assault, a life-changing diagnosis, war, natural disaster, the list goes on. Often times when faced with traumatic situations, naturally, couples struggle to cope and many end up losing their marriage over it. But does a life changing event have to mean the end of your marriage?
Dr. Kim has walked alongside countless couples through life-changing events. A traumatic situation does not have to mean the end of your marriage.
In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina share about how to cope with life-altering and traumatic situations in a way that builds up your marriage instead of tearing it down.
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
“A traumatic situation is anytime life goes differently than we thought it would.” - Dr. Kim
“Your grief might look different from your spouse’s grief and that’s ok.” - Dr. Kim
“Nobody can’t define what grief looks like for you.” - Dr. Kim
“Allow your spouse to express whatever emotions they feel when they’re grieving.” - Dr. Kim
“Put God in the middle of your grief.” - Dr. Kim
“Be present with your spouse when they’re grieving, don’t put pressure on yourself to say the right thing, your presence alone will help them.” - Dr. Kim
“Be honest when you’re communicating with your spouse about your grief.” - Christina
“Blaming is not going to heal anything.” - Dr. Kim
“After a life-altering event you have to find a new normal.” - Christina
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We are doing a series on the Top 8 Marriage Issues in 2019. These 8 issues are the top 8 issues that Dr. Kim has seen this year with marriages. We will be breaking them down starting with #8 and working our way towards the #1 marriage issue.
In this episode Dr. Kim & Christina talk about the 6th biggest issue in marriages this year which is: stress.
So many of us deal with stress on a regular basis. Being stressed out makes it hard to be a good spouse. It’s hard to be intentional in your marriage or really even focus on your marriage at all when you are consumed with stress. It’s bad for our health and our mental space. Stress piles negative emotions on to our marriage and steals joy.
In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina talk about what stress does to marriages and how to deal with stress in a healthy way as well as some tips to help you eliminate any unnecessary stress in your life.
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
“People died of diarrhea back then.” - Dr. Kim
“Deciding what you can and can’t do something about can help you be realistic about what you’re stressed about.” - Christina
“If there is nothing that you can do about something, the best (but not always easiest) thing to do is pray about it and leave it in God’s hands.” - Dr. Kim
“Our emotions are good indicators but they’re not good truth tellers.” - Christina
“Ask your spouse to come alongside you and help you deal with your stress.” - Dr. Kim
“Take the time to empathize with your spouse when they’re stressed.” - Dr. Kim
“To the moms: the best thing you can do for your kids is to take care of yourself.” - Christina
“Don’t buy into the lie that stress is just the way you are; there’s an answer to stress.” - Dr. Kim
“God gave you a spouse to walk through life with, don’t push your spouse away in times of stress, embrace them.” - Dr. Kim
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For the next few weeks on the podcast we are doing a series on the Top 8 Marriage Issues in 2019. These 8 issues are the top 8 issues that Dr. Kim has seen this year with marriages. We will be breaking them down starting with #8 and working our way towards the #1 marriage issue.
In this episode Dr. Kim & Christina talk about the 7th biggest issue in marriages this year which is: boredom.
With time, some spouse’s become bored with their relationship. Boredom in marriage is a dangerous thing to dwell on and can easily slip into even bigger issues.
It also doesn’t help that our culture is telling us that monogamy and marriage is boring. But marriage does NOT have to be boring. There are real, practical things you can do to keep boredom at bay and protect your marriage from boredom.
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
“Connection = Zero Boredom in marriage.” - Dr. Kim
“You don’t have to be screaming and yelling and throwing things at each other for you to go to marriage counseling.” - Christina
“Boredom can happen if we’re not intentional about giving to our marriage as much as we’re taking from it.” - Dr. Kim
“Be intentional about having fun with each other, even when life gets busy; remember there’s something that got you to the altar in the first place.” - Dr. Kim
“Find creative questions to ask each other.” - Christina
“There are going to be times you get bored in your marriage, it’s about recognizing when that’s happening and committing to reconnecting so you don’t stay bored and disconnected.” - Dr. Kim
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For the next few weeks on the podcast we are doing a series on the Top 8 Marriage Issues in 2019. These 8 issues are the top 8 issues that Dr. Kim has seen this year with marriages in the counseling room. We will be breaking them down starting with number 8 and working our way towards the number 1 marriage issue in 2019.
Today we are kicking off the series with talking about the 8th biggest issue in marriages this year which is: jealousy.
Jealousy puts a real strain on your marriage. When you have jealous feelings it affects you, your spouse, and your marriage. In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina talk about this issue and how to deal with it in a healthy way.
You may think jealousy isn’t a struggle for you, but there are some subtle ways this often plays out that doesn’t always get noticed and addressed.
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
“A lot of times jealousy can be tied to insecurity or discontentment.” - Christina
“Paul in the Bible is a great example of being content with whatever he had and whatever situation he was in.” - Dr. Kim
“You can get so consumed with jealousy that you neglect your marriage.” - Dr. Kim
“Jealousy affects your ability to be present in your marriage.” - Christina
“If you are willing to be honest with yourself and why you’re jealous, these jealous feelings can be an opportunity for God to grow and teach you.” - Christina
“You have to run your race, you can’t run someone else’s race.” - Christina
“If your spouse is struggling with jealousy, it gives you an opportunity to come alongside them and help them work through those feelings.” - Dr. Kim
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Can we implement boundaries with our spouse? Is it loving? Is it Christ-centered?
Boundaries in marriage may seem counterintuitive to some, but we believe it should be normal and natural in a marriage.
In this episode, Dr. Kim and Christina share about boundaries with your spouse: why you need them, examples of what they might be, and how to implement them. If you have never thought about boundaries with your spouse, we hope this conversation is helpful to you and that it provides you with some great talking points that you and your spouse can explore as you work to have a healthier, happier, holier marriage.
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
“You can help your spouse see that they might need to set a boundary with someone by asking them questions.” - Dr. Kim
“You can encourage your spouse to learn about boundaries but also be willing to walk with them through what that will look like.” - Christina
“Always offer your thoughts on your spouse’s situation as a suggestion, not as a solution to their problem.” - Dr. Kim
“You might need to set a boundary with someone if you’re taking on their consequences.” - Christina
“If you’ve never set boundaries before start setting them in safe places first.” - Christina
“Remember that if someone doesn’t respond to the boundaries that you set in a healthy way, you can only control yourself, you can’t control how they will react.” - Dr. Kim
“It sounds silly but role playing setting boundaries with your spouse can be really helpful for them to prepare for those hard conversations.” - Christina
“Let your spouse know that you are not going to stop loving them if they set a healthy boundary with you.” - Christina
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Can we implement boundaries with our spouse? Is it loving? Is it Christ-centered?
Boundaries in marriage may seem counterintuitive to some, but we believe it should be normal and natural in a marriage.
In this episode, Dr. Kim and Christina share about boundaries with your spouse: why you need them, examples of what they might be, and how to implement them. If you have never thought about boundaries with your spouse, we hope this conversation is helpful to you and that it provides you with some great talking points that you and your spouse can explore as you work to have a healthier, happier, holier marriage.
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
“Boundaries with your spouse can actually draw you closer together.” - Dr. Kim
“Having boundaries in your marriage isn’t meant to be a punishment, it’s meant to be freeing for you and your spouse.” - Christina
“You can’t have true intimacy without boundaries.” - Christina
“I tell singles that I counsel, you have to show the person you’re dating the real you at some point during the dating process.” - Dr. Kim
“It’s unloving and unwise to not set boundaries where they need to be.” - Christina
“To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.” - Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend (from Boundaries book)
“It’s so important to talk about boundaries in your sexual relationship.” - Dr. Kim
“Boundaries helps you understand your marriage relationship better.” - Dr. Kim
“Your spouse’s comfortability should matter to you more than what you want for yourself.” - Christina
“Boundaries are about controlling the only person that you can control: yourself.” - Christina
“Don’t set boundaries to manipulate or control your spouse.” - Dr. Kim
“If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, be prepared for setting boundaries to cause a lot of conflict.” - Dr. Kim
“A boundary without consequences isn’t a boundary at all.” - Christina
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Everyone has the same amount of time - 24 hours in a day. But so many of us struggle to manage this time well. Some of us say yes to way too many things and then that leaves us burnt out and miserable. Others of us don’t use our time wisely enough and don’t steward their time well to get done what they need to get done.
In the fast paced, hustle glorified, culture that we live in where everyone has access to you all the time it can be really hard to set limits on our time. But if we don’t plan well, our time will just pass us by. But if we do plan well and set up healthy boundaries, we can have healthier relationships, a better marriage, and get off the "hustle til you’re burnt out" game that way too many of us are playing.
In this episode, Dr. Kim and Christina share about the importance of setting up time boundaries and how to implement them.
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What does it look like to honor our marriage, protect our marriage, and still have honoring relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ?
So many couples want to know what is okay and not okay when it comes to friendships with the opposite sex.
In this episode, Dr. Kim and Christina share about safe boundaries, why they are important, and how to implement them practically.
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
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Well we love it when you guys send it topics you want us to cover! One listener recently suggested we cover what it means to “come alongside your spouse.” It’s something Dr. Kim says a lot, what does it practically mean? How would Dr. Kim define this method that he so often encourages us to do?
In this episode, Dr. Kim goes deep into describing it and defining it for us.
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In this episode Caroline Harries joins Dr. Kim to talk about waiting and how God is good even in the waiting. They talk about infertility, support groups, and how infertility and waiting can affect your marriage.
Caroline is an author of a 60-day devotional ‘In Due Time’ as well as the founder of ‘Moms in the Making’ faith based infertility support groups. She shares her story and talks open and honestly about her waiting and their marriage in the waiting.
Chances are you are waiting on something. Maybe it’s a baby, maybe it’s a house, a job, a fresh start, or restored relationship. Whatever it is you’re waiting on - this conversation is going to encourage you.
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The holidays can highlight grief and loss in our life. It’s a time that is centered around nostalgia, memories, and family. So it’s no surprise that the holidays can bring up a lot of grief for people who have experienced loss.
In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina talk about grief and how to support each other as a married couple as one or both of you grieve.
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The holidays are coming and that excites some of you but stresses others out. The holidays season, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas can put a lot of extras on our calendars and in our budgets. It can be a time where couples fight a lot or expectations aren’t met.
All of us want to have good holidays with our spouse and family, but often we don’t prepare well so that we can execute that well.
In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina talk about holiday marital stress and how to prepare for the holidays with your spouse.
Tune in to learn how to prepare well for the holidays!
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What does it mean to be a husband and how can Christian men prepare well to become godly husbands? There are a lot of messages out there today about men and what it looks like to a husband, but what does God say about being a husband? How can modern men prepare to be Godly leaders in their home?
In this episode Colby Taylor joins Dr. Kim to talk about that. Colby is a Pastor at Life.Church and good friend of mine. Together Colby and his wife, who you heard from on Tuesday, lead the Engaged Events we put on to help couples prepare for a marriage that’s even more beautiful than the wedding. The next Engaged Event in OK is THIS month so be sure to grab tickets on our website before they sell out.
Tune in to learn how to prepare to be a husband!
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What does it mean to be a wife? How can we prepare well to be good wives? In a world where the world “wife” is displayed so differently depending on where we are turning to, it can be really confusing. Christian women who are planning to get married have desires to be a godly wife. But most of us don’t know how to prepare for that.
In this episode Amanda Taylor joins Dr. Kim to talk about preparing to be a wife.
Tune in to learn how to prepare to be a wife!
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“Peace” and “wedding planning” may seem like 2 things that don’t go together. But we want to help you keep the peace during your wedding planning process. This is part 2 of a conversation with Dr. Kim & Amanda Taylor talking about all things wedding planning and how to do this well with your relationship intact and healthy ready to start your new marriage.
Amanda is the owner of Embellished Weddings here in Oklahoma City where she plans and coordinates weddings. Because Amanda has planned so many weddings, she has an up close look at couples during this time. I can’t for you to hear what she shares in this episode!
Tune in to learn how to keep the peace during wedding planning.
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Weddings are a big deal and wedding planning can be extremely stressful. Tensions are high and family is involved and it seems like there are so many emotions and expectations that are swirling around. It’s enough to make you go crazy! And maybe some of us do just that - go a little crazy.
Well we want to avoid the crazy as much as we can and learn to keep the peace during wedding planning.
In this episode Amanda Taylor joins Dr. Kim to talk about keeping the peace during wedding planning. Amanda is a return guest on the podcast. Amanda and Colby have been married for 12 years and have 6 beautiful children. Amanda is the owner of Embellished Weddings here in Oklahoma City where she plans and coordinates weddings. Because Amanda has planned so many weddings, she has an up close look at couples during this time.
Tune in to learn how to keep the peace during wedding planning.
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In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina share a dozen secrets husbands don’t tell their wives. We polled you guys on Instagram to get your real and honest answers and today we are sharing those secrets (anonymously).
Some of these secrets might surprise you and I bet you’ll relate to some if not all of them!
Our hope is that shedding light on these secrets will deepen your connection and that you and your spouse will have some real, honest conversations about this episode that will lead to more a more transparent friendship between you two.
Tune in to find out what husbands aren’t telling their wives!
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NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
Whether it’s an out right secret we don’t tell our husbands intentionally or it’s something we’d really like our husbands to know but we aren’t brave enough to say it or maybe we don’t know quite how to say it - many wives keep things from their husbands.
In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina share a dozen secrets wives don’t tell their husbands. We polled you guys on Instagram to get your real and honest answers and today we are sharing those secrets (anonymously).
Some of these secrets might surprise you and many of these secrets may feel like we are reading your diary - we aren’t! You just aren’t alone in your secrets!
Tune in to find out what wives aren’t telling their husbands!
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NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
Worry is something that can put a real strain on your marriage. It’s hard when you are struggling with worry - it can rob your enjoyment at your job, in your marriage, your family life, and your day to day happiness. It’s also hard to support a spouse who is constantly worried. It can make you feel like it’s your fault and that your spouse isn’t happy with you and your marriage because worry is present.
In this episode Dr. Kim & Christina talk about what to do when worry is stressing your marriage. They discuss practical tips on how to support your worried spouse as well as what to do if you are the one who struggles with worry in your marriage.
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Growing old together is the goal! If you want an awesome marriage, you want one that lasts the long haul! But growing old together comes with some unique challenges.
In this episode Dr. Kim & Christina talk about those challenges and share practical tips on how to navigate them.
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Men and women are different - by design. Many husbands struggle to understand their wives as women and many wives struggle to understand their husbands as men.
In this episode we take a practical look at some ways we can do a better job of understanding, balancing, and ultimately celebrating gender differences in marriage.
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God tells us to set our minds on things above, to pray with His Kingdom in mind, and to live as though our world isn’t our forever home - because it isn’t. But it can be so easy to get sucked into the world we are in now and what’s right in front of us.
In this episode Dr. Kim & Christina talk about how to cultivate a kingdom marriage.
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Dr. Kim’s new book, 14 Keys to Lasting Love, came out earlier this year. If you haven’t ordered your copy yet- what are you waiting for? Order here now.
Marriage is hard and not always full of high peak moments that are fun. Marriage can and does feel laborious - maybe even full of drudgery. Maybe that’s you today. Maybe you feel like marriage is just burdensome.
Or maybe today your marriage doesn’t feel particularly hard, but it just feel mundane. Maybe you are lacking enjoyment in your marriage.
In this episode Dr. Kim & Christina talk about how to find and create joy in your marriage.
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So many people will warn you to “stick out” that first year of marriage because it’s going to be rough. But is that true? Is the first year of marriage the hardest?
In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina talk about the first year of marriage and what they learned in their first year of their own marriages.
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Do you struggle with jealousy in marriage? In this episode Dr. Kim and Christina talk about the super awkward and hurtful “I saw you looking at them” issue in marriage. They share about how the enemy tries to steal your joy by telling you lies and how God can help you restore your joy. As well as give some practical advice for if this is a real actual issue in your marriage.
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Dr. Kim’s new book, 14 Keys to Lasting Love, came out a earlier this year. If you haven’t ordered your copy yet- what are you waiting for? Order here now.