Couples often enter marriage with high expectations, and are then dismayed to learn that marriage is not a fairy tale after all. What do you do when marriage doesn't make you happy? How can we break out of our selfish hopes and become the spouse God intends us to be?
Listen to learn practical ways to reconcile your marriage dreams with your married reality.
We all have hopes and dreams for marriage, and the reality of life is that they don’t always play out the way we expected. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
How your expectations before marriage impact your relationship
The hidden role of selfishness in marital issues and conflicts
How to cultivating humility helps to understand your spouse better
Recognizing the redemptive nature of marriage can lead to deeper connections.
Steps to finding a true and deeper joy in marriage
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
Couples Conversation Guide:
Main takeaway: Unrealistic expectations of marriage are pretty common, but they can take away from enjoying the marriage you’re actually living. If marriage isn’t making you happy, then that’s your cue to start sowing into it.
Questions to Discuss:
What expectations did you bring into marriage that you later realized were unrealistic?
What are some things you’d love to see more of in your marriage, and how can you work together to make that happen?
Do you have friends who will give you hard feedback when needed? What step can you take to build a friendship like that?
QUOTES
“A lot of people getting married have high hopes for marriage, then a few years into it they realize it’s not going to be their source of identity, hope and happiness. That realization kind of turns their world upside down.” - Chelsea Damon
“What does God say about me? I had to do some soul searching to see what God has to say about me without trying to find that sense of security in my spouse.” - Chelsea Damon
“Marriage does a good of showing you who you are, and all of your faults. It’s a good wake up call for who you are as a person.” - Chelsea Damon
“One of the things couples find surprising are the expectations they don’t even know they’re bringing into marriage.” - Chelsea Damon
“I realized so much of my sense of security was not in the right place. I decided to put that back on Christ and find my identity in Him.” - Chelsea Damon
“You need someone who’s willing to speak into your life.” - Chelsea Damon
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Find Chelsea on her website, Instagram,
Grab a copy of Chelsea’s book, I Thought This Would Make Me Happy
Shop Honoring Intimates for lingerie, lubricants and more with NO lewd images, and use our discount code AWESOMEMARRIAGE for 20% off!
Today we’re answering listener questions about how to handle the pain of a spouse’s porn use.
Unfortunately, this is a pretty common issue we hear about from couples, but the good news is that you CAN heal and move forward. So today we’re answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We’ll talk about the process for forgiveness, what to do if you just cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat intrusive thoughts.
Listen for practical ways to heal and recover your heart and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
How to forgive and move forward when it feels impossible
Changing your view if you can’t separate your spouse from the hurtful behavior
The balance of feeling safe and willingness to be vulnerable
Boundary setting to allow for healing
Getting out of the comparison trap and starting to feel beautiful and desirable again
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
Couples Conversation Guide:
Main takeaway: When your marriage is recovering from porn use, repentance is the first step. Forgiveness allows you to heal, and boundaries help facilitate marriage healing. You can rebuild your marriage even better than before.
Questions to Discuss:
What does your spouse do that helps you trust them?
Are there any areas where you need to build or repair trust with your spouse?
What can you do together to help that process?
QUOTES
“Until you forgive, you’re still giving a lot of power to what happened.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“One of the best prayers is asking God to help you see your spouse through His eyes.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“We want assurance that nothing will ever hurt us again, but that’s not possible.” Lindsay Few
“Look for Jesus in your spouse. When you see that, things are probably going to be pretty good.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
This is not a hurdle to get through: this is a lifestyle change. - Dr. Kim Kimberling
There’s nothing wrong with being accountable, not because you ‘have to,’ but because you love your spouse. - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“You’ve got to be completely open and transparent with each other. You can’t have trust without that.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again
Past podcast episodes on healing your marriage after porn:
Has your marriage been damaged by the effects of porn? Not sure what’s next? Download the 8 Steps To Heal Your Marriage After Porn to learn your next steps to healing.
Are your kids protected from p*rn? Do they know how to fight back? What if they’ve already been exposed to it?
So many parents do not know how to protect their kids from porn, or how to equip them with what to do if they are exposed to it. We are so pleased to hear from Kristen Jenson today on the podcast with the answers to your questions. Equip yourself so that you can equip kids well.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
The hidden mental health dangers of p*rn
The scripts parents need to discuss p*rn with their kids’
Tips for digital safety in today's technology-driven world.
When should you start talking to your kids about p*rn?
Which phones are safer for kids?
Resources that will help you guide your kids or grandchildren
The need for open conversations that can protect children's innocence.
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
Couples Conversation Guide:
Main takeaway: Your kids & grandkids need a plan in place to protect them from the danger of porn exposure and addiction. Today’s episode will equip you to make that plan.
Questions to Discuss:
Have you taken the time to equip your kids with what to do if they are exposed to porn?
Do you have a plan to resist the temptation of porn or explicit materials?
If not, use the resources below to develop a plan today.
QUOTES
“If you’re worried about what to do with your kids about p*rn, this podcast is for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“P*rnography is fueling a huge rise in child-on-child harmful sexual behavior.” - Kristen Jenson
“How do you talk to kids about it in a way that doesn’t scare them, doesn’t scare the parents and gives them a real plan?” - Kristen Jenson
“We all need scripts for certain life situations. There are no scripts passed down for this problem.” - Kristen Jenson
“We live in a world awash with addiction. We need to teach our kids how to protect their brains from addiction.” - Kristen Jenson
“P*rnography is the tool of choice. If kids know what to do, they’re going to be that much safer.” - Kristen Jenson
“We have an opportunity to say, no this isn’t normal. No, this isn’t healthy.” - Kristen Jenson
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Purchase Kristen’s books: Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids, Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr., and the Guidebook for Counseling Kids
Learn about our the brand new curriculum Brain Defense: Digital Safety
Keep current with empowering articles From Defend Young Minds
Use the instantly-downloadable guides to help you teach your child
Follow Defend Young Minds on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, & LinkedIn
If porn has damaged your marriage, healing is possible. And you are not alone…This is unfortunately a common issue we hear from couples about. So today on the podcast, we’re answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We’ll talk about the need for forgiveness, what to do when a spouse cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat temptation.
Listen for practical ways to engage in healing and recovery for you and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
What to do if a spouse can’t forgive past porn use
How to make a plan for dealing with temptation.
Necessary steps in the trust-rebuilding process
Help to understand the impact on a wife’s self-image
How shame and isolation impact recovery
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
Couples Conversation Guide:
Main takeaway: Porn use can really damage the trust in marriage, but recovery is possible. Learn how and do what it takes to rebuild trust and does not
Questions to Discuss:
What are the areas of vulnerability in your marriage?
How can you make a plan to protect your marriage where you need it most?
Is there anything you need to come clean about with your spouse? Do it today.
QUOTES
“The things a spouse needs to do for recovery are good for them AND good for the marriage. It really works together.” Lindsay Few
“Most men I talk to have no idea how devastating their p*rn use was for their wife.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“It’s so important to have a plan in place.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“Remember that temptation itself is not sin. It’s what you do once you are tempted.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“You can use temptation as a red flag to drive you toward things that are good for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“God doesn’t want us stuck in shame, but the enemy sure does.” - Lindsay Few
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Podcast episode:
We mentioned this episode with Matt Cline
Other helpful episodes: How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561
How is the emotional intimacy in your marriage? Do you feel safe telling your spouse anything? Do you feel loved, heard, and understood?
Marriage is meant to be a refuge…a place where you each feel safe sharing deep personal feelings and confident you will be graciously received by your spouse. The problem is that many of us don’t talk about or even understand our own emotions. And if we can’t properly process our emotions, it will be very hard to build true emotional closeness in marriage.
Tune in today to learn the Do’s and Don’t of emotional intimacy. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
Surprising behaviors that may shut our spouses down emotionally
What wives tend to get wrong about emotional intimacy
What husbands often get wrong about emotional intimacy
What we miss out on when emotional intimacy is missing in marriage
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
Couples Conversation Guide:
Main takeaway: Emotional intimacy is being able to share your thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and more with your spouse and be loved and accepted. It is a building block of great connection in marriage.
Questions to Discuss:
How safe do you feel sharing anything you need to with your spouse?
What could you do to better accept your spouse as they are?
What helps you feel emotionally close and connected?
QUOTES
Wives may experience more of the feeling of the lack of emotional intimacy. - Lindsay Few
I promise you, after 54 years of marriage, that your spouse cannot read your mind. - Dr. Kim Kimberling
A lot of times we think our spouse thinks like we think. Dr. Kim Kimberling
Our assumptions really get us in trouble. - Lindsay Few
Instead of thinking your spouse is a terrible person, realize they’re just different. They don’t see things the same way you do. - Lindsay Few
God didn’t give feelings and emotions to women that He didn’t give to men. He gave us the same feelings and emotions. It changes your life when you get in touch with that. - Dr. Kim Kimberling
We’re all emotional. We’re just not all in touch with them. - Lindsay Few
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Take the 5 Days to Deeper Emotional Intimacy challenge to learn practical steps to growing emotional intimacy with your spouse.
FREE Married couples card game Heart-to-Heart is a game designed to deepen emotional intimacy and connection between you two.